Editing Contraband

I haven’t been here in a while, but my SO and I went for a vacation in Switzerland to see our friends and family for Christmas, and of course, we both caught a cold. The kind of cold that wakes you up in a panic ten times a night because you can’t breathe. The kind of cold where each morning you feel even weaker than the one before, and yet, you have to get to work. The kind of cold where every day, each and every one of your colleagues insists on telling you you look terrible. Thanks, guys, I’d noticed.

I’ve been feeling a bit better since yesterday, though, which means that I was finally able to do something else than lie in bed watching Elementary (all the while thinking that I really don’t like this show) or sit at my desk and play tower defense Flash games. It wasn’t much, but I’ve been thinking about what’s wrong with Contraband. Until now, I haven’t been able to think about the big picture. All I saw were grammatical errors and dialogues that needed to be tuned, but I couldn’t see the major mistakes I’d made. So here goes:

• The beginning is weak. The first chapter, especially, lacks action. We see a random day in Val’s life and it’s boring, despite her quite uncommon job. I need to start with something more interesting than chatting with a new client, then eating with a friend.
• Some of the characters are not defined enough. I’m especially thinking about Rosa. A friend of mine who has read the book was really surprised when I told him she was black, even though it’s written the first time we see her. It’s just an example, but she doesn’t read the way I see her. Plus, she disappears at a key moment and it’s disappointing.
• There is an issue with rhythm, especially in the last quarter of the book. Nothing happens for a week, and then everything is resolved in what seems like an hour (“resolved” being a loose word).
• The Dagda, a character introduced early in the book, isn’t frightening enough. He’s supposed to be crazy and creepy, and barely comes off as strange and amusing. Not the effect I intended.
• At the end of the book, a character takes a drastic decision with a huge impact on themselves and the whole plot, and yet, it doesn’t sound logical. They have a thousand choices opened to them and they pick the worst one and it’s never really clear why.
• My “big bad” (another loose term) explains their motivation for like one sentence, which means it doesn’t make any sense to my MC or to the reader.
• I wanted to keep the secret of Val’s birth for a potential second book, but that’s stupid. I don’t want to leave that question opened anymore, because it’s a part of the story and it matters now.
• A character is keeping a secret for most of the story, and when it’s revealed, there’s been so little foreshadowing that the reader may think it comes out of nowhere, even though it’s one of the most important elements of the plot.

That’s still a lot of work, but at least I see a bit clearer. Took me a bit more than a year, but I finally feel like I’m moving forward.